Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Sigh
I am in a funk. I have so, so much to do and zero desire to do any of it. I need to clean my house, do my laundry, cut squares out for a quilt, clean out the van, exercise, drop kids off, pick kids up, get treats for school, manage Liam's star of the week stuff, do homework, feed family...(three times a day, I mean really? Why can't they eat just once a day. So much easier!) Feed the baby, change the baby, make sure baby is happy, stop fights, teach kids to pick up, be kind, not fight, play nicely, touch gently, make bed, clean bathroom, do dishes, get dressed, do hair, makeup, try and be cute (sort of given up on that lately), make dinner, go shopping, remind husband to pay hospital bills, sign letters, fax letters, dress kids, take Liam to eye appointment, take Reagan to shots appointment, etc. And then it starts over tomorrow. So, my question is, how do you do it? I feel like I am barely treading water (and half drowning at that) and I don't have anything extra. Just the basic stuff to do. I don't have any huge trials, just my mundane little ones, (which, I am thankful for). I have always, always had a hard time justifying myself to the Lord. I even have a hard time even going to Him with my problems because they seem so very insignificant compared to the trials of others. I know all the pat answers that my problems matter to Him just as much as anyone else's, blah, blah, but I can't make myself believe it. I know everyone is hurting and everyone is having trials of their own, so I feel like I need to buck up and carry on. How do I get out of my hole and take care of myself, let alone others as I am commissioned to do? My sweet mother-in-law takes my children once a week so we can go to a standing appointment we have, but that eats me up with guilt. They are my kids, I should be taking care of them and not pawning them off on my family. I should be this and I should be that...when can I accept myself for what I am? I will keep searching for my answer and tomorrow will be a better day.
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5 comments:
I was feeling the exact same way yesterday, when I looked up the street, and saw this cute mom sitting on the lawn, playing with her kids (yes, it was YOU). There will always be more than enough guilt, there will always be way too much to do, but when it comes down to it, you are making time to do the most important things, and you have 4 wonderful beautiful kids to prove it. I find ranting always helps...jog down a couple houses and we can rant together :)
Hang in there. I know, easier said than done. I definitely thought having 4 kids was harder than 3. I felt just as you do, drowning every day, just trying to catch up with the daily tasks. One thing I found to help was to do one load of laundry a day. Seriously, doesn't sound like much, but it helped. And at the end of the day, I tried to think of everything I had accomplished that day (as oppose to what I hadn't, 'cause that was always more) Also, if your mother-in-law is willing to watch the kids each week, I wouldn't feel guilty at all. Actually, I'm quite jealous! Enjoy it while you can and just think of the fun memories your kids will have of their grandmother. Hang in there. We have all been there, but I promise it will get better! Just focus on one day at a time. You can do it!
Love you Amy. I knew there was a reason that we are sister-in-laws. I will call you soon.
If you find any answers let me know...I feel the same way half the time.
And than I ask myself, will it ever get better? or am I just in an endless cycle.....
chin up! You are in the trenches of motherhood. It is so hard with little people who are trying to learn independance and who need you to do so much for them.... it will get better. Don't be afraid to be a "mean mom" because it will help in the long run. When they get older your worries will be different but your house will stay clean a bit longer and you will get to take a breath when they are all in school for a few hours then be able to handle the "after school" rush. You are doing a great job! Nothing is too small or insignificant to Heavenly Father. He loves you! You are one of his precious daughters. Love you!!! Keep you head up and look for the light at the end of the tunnel!
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